Gwendolyn

Comment if you want to hear one reason that you're beautiful.  I promise to respond to all comments.  If you see another person in the comments that you feel compelled to compliment, for whom you want to add more love, don't hesitate.  Everyone likes feeling appreciated.

I would like you to leave a secret, a confession, or an unusual statement about you anonymously here. I will screen all comments and un-screen those posted anonymously. If you accidentally post as your self I will re-post it anonymously and delete the comment.

You can post anything, from any time in your life. It may be that you stole your brother's milk when he was 3, or it may be you have a secret crush on George W. Bush, that you actually hate me and my LJ, or even that you leave the protective plastic on your electronic items for as long as possible...

There was sun.  I burst into song in Musical Theatre, I swirled about in circles outside, I skipped and frolicked through the yard.  This is what life is about.

Senseless violence just pisses me off.  Everyone should have their time to frolic, and not have it interrupted with murder, guns, war, rape.  Fuck you, world.

There was a time when I empathized with the Columbine shooters.  Kate, in response to your survey, I'm absolutely one of those kids that I would have pegged for a potential shooter.  I was a victim of my peers, in many ways, and I wanted nothing more than for them to suffer as I did.  But something stopped me.

I don't believe in any particular gods or godesses, I'm not climbing any spiritual path to peace, nirvana, or perfection.  But the one thing I believe with all my heart is that when it comes to humanity, the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.  But when the parts are divided, the whole becomes less.  If innocent people are being harmed by the choices of a small few, it's not healthy for anyone.  My god is humanity itself, and I'm not a fan of seeing it torn to shreds.

Honestly, I wasn't personally affected by 9/11, and I am not terribly moved by the recent events.  People get all shocked when these things happen, but nothing changes.  There are no fucking olive branches, no major efforts to see the other perspectives.  In doing so, the victims are just letting violence continue.  Until there is effective communication and people stop being so self-absorbed that they only see in black and white, violence will continue to destroy our lives.

Same old story, what's the use of tears
What's the use of praying if there's nobody who hears?

This doesn't even make sense, but I'm just sick of it.  I was sick of it the first time a "major tragedy" struck, and I've been sick of it every time since then.  Every time someone's life is destroyed is a major tragedy, whether it's publicized or not.  Hell, I'd go so far as to argue that those who aren't talked about, aren't broadcast all over the place are more of a tragedy.  At least here there are stories being shared, lost lives possibly having some meaning if anyone'll listen.  Most of the time when tragedy strikes, very few people ever know that it actually happened.  Sometimes people don't believe it when told, or worse, blame the victims.  "Well, she clearly wanted it"  "What was an X type of person doing in Y neighborhood anyway?  Probably looking for a prostitute/drug dealer/other, not exactly an upstanding citizen."

I can't find the right words to express my feelings here, and it's all just coming out a pointless ramble.  There's an idea in there somewhere.

Anyway, I should go back to writing a concept paper about Mamet's Faustus.  Anybody who wants to come sit with me while I make a quilt for the baby tomorrow  afternoon, you definitely should.  Bring your own sewing/crafts and we'll have a party.  4ish until midnight rehearsal.  Oh yeah, and any cast person who's not actually rehearsing should consider helping me label/hang costumes tomorrow night.  I'll make you pie.

Our date has turned into a big ol' party.  Tegan, Laura, and KAREN (who is looking absolutely ravishing!) have sat down at the table next to us.

Rocky gossip, astrology discussions, I'm never getting this reading done.

Apparently I'm crazy.  Or I had lesbian fantasies of Ellen that I somehow didn't notice weren't real...

Anyway, I have a better idea for the calendar, if'n they put me on July (which they should, because everybody is on vacation and thus not looking at their calendars that month).  So I have my fabulous red heels that you've all seen.  Add some white thigh highs and navy blue underwear (pretty and lacy or satiny smooth, not sure yet).  Have you seen the pinup with the girl holding up a sheet or some such (doing laundry, if I recall correctly), and she's topless, but body turned away from the painter, looking flirtatiously back at him/her?  Something like that, only maybe hanging a flag, kicking one foot in the air to show off the shoes...

I'm a fan of people offering to buy me coffee... or booze... or their firstborn child.  Especially when I'm the one who's been begging to do this.

I'm working a lot today.  Feel free to get on Smith-Hampshire if you're in the area between 7:30 and 10:55, whatever mid bus I took, or campus shuttle southbound from 9:15-whenever it stops running.  Really, I'll need someone to keep me sane.

So I was reading this, and I realized that when I have those kinds of moments, it's with utter confidence and style, in no small part due to Rocky.  There's all this self-respect and appreciation that comes from being part of that community, and while I still say very dorky things, I feel far less awkward, or at least can laugh at it with the person.  So as I thought this, I also thought (because I am a woman and my brain can multi-task) that I'd like to know where that "That'll give you, er, bees" line came from... a Google search revealed this, and now I'm convinced that Rocky owns my soul, as *everything* connects to it.  It's like Kevin Bacon, only with sweet transvestites.

This one's for you, Micah:

http://community.livejournal.com/metaquotes/6011899.html

I feel like a bitch, but I just quit being involved in the Raised production.  I don't have the time or energy to organize a panel, and I'm really not needed for anything else.  The show is uninspiring to me, and there's no point in working on something I don't care about.  It's a good feeling, to have that off my mind.

Shakespeare Festival scene is looking good, even if one actor still hasn't even been to a rehearsal--those who have are really good, Sheila is loving the director's vision, and I'm slowly learning the ropes of this SMing thing.

May be a go-fer for Hampshire Shakespeare this summer, and may even get a small amount of pay for it (probably not, though).  Rock.

Need to get hangers and sturdy (yet cheap) fabric for accessory bags for Rocky.  Have twill tape, will label on Friday.  Have another new wench (Jen), and this is pleasing.  Attic Creature probably needs to be caught in a trap so that I'm not forced to keep everything in plastic bags (defeating the joy in having an attic space at all).  Poor A.C.  Once everything is labelled, out of bags, and on hangers, it's off to the laundromat with some Dryel! 

I like when pretty boys let me hit on them...

My sewing machine is being dumb.  If can't fix, may have to return (the thread gets caught on the bobbin--it circles around it and then doesn't pull back up, basically)

Rawr.

I'm also fat again (not that I was ever not, but I'm steadily getting back up there) and it's making me angry because I'm always hungry...

Oh, look, Coureton just walked by.

Fuck, need to train on Mags.
Fuck, need to get hangers (and tape, and slaves)
Fuck, need to do SM-y things.
Fuck, need to do dramaturg-y things.
Fuck, need to... fuck?

I drove the last loop of Smith-Hampshire with tears in my eyes.  There's no reason for this much violence in the world.

Monday: 
English 380 (Prof. Writing and Tech. Comm. I) 11:15-12:30
English 379 (Intro to Tech. Writing) 2:30-3:45
Education 291E (SHAHA) sometime in the evening--although it's TBA, so this may end up on a different night...

Tuesday:
Theater 320 (Classical Repertory) 11:15-12:30
Education 377 (Multicultural Education) 1:00-3:30
Honors 391D (Dean's Book) 4:00-5:55

Wednesday:
English 380 11:15-12:30
English 379 2:30-3:45

Thursday:
Theater 320 11:15-12:30

Friday:
FREE!  Hello three day weekend!

I'm also taking my last Theater 110.  No more 110, no more Dean's Book... I don't quite know how I feel about this.  Overwhelming joy and anticipation might be the right description.

I drove home to Worcester after Rocky.  I'd hoped to see Allison sometime this weekend, but kind of failed.  Chica, if you read this, I love you.

The girl cousins are going to have a slumber party sometime this summer (if our schedules match).  1 college junior, 2 freshman, and a 4 year old.  Disney princess movies, baking cookies, and playing dress-up (but no make-up or hair dying because the 4 year old isn't allowed).  Then we'll go camping or something "boyish" with the 6 year old because it's not fair to lavish attention on just the little one.  Ahaha, oh gender roles.

I'm hand-sewing this motherfucker apparently.  That's kind of nifty, but kind of a bitch at the same time.  Mostly because I like to make teeny stitches and I'm obsessive about lining things up just so...

I slept for 1.5 hours before church yesterday, and then took a half hour nap on the ride home from Easter dinner, but otherwise didn't sleep again until 10:30 last night.  36 hours with only 2 hours of sleeping in the middle.  Yayyy.

So, my body finally decided it was time to take over.  Not only did I turn my alarm off once in my sleep (which happens rather frequently), but I also turned off both backup alarms.  I woke up on my own almost exactly 6 hours after going to bed (with a start because I apparently knew I slept through the alarm in my dream?), and 15 minutes after my first class had started.  It sucks that I had to miss this class to go to UHS once before, but if this is my only unexcused absence, it should be okay.

At least I'm not a zombie anymore.

I don't know if I'll be at bowling tonight because I've got a rehearsal at 2:15, then a production meeting from 4-5:30 and another from 5:30-6:30.  If I finish rehearsing early enough, I may be able to get my car, but otherwise I won't be there.

Sorry to the Tuesday/Thursday ladies--I had Eve RO observations that went until 2:45/3am on Monday and Wednesday night.  I promise to be there next week.

I'm really proud of myself. 
    Friday, after beating up my legs in Stage Movement (aside from the normal beat-up-ishness from the Suzuki, I got thrown around during scene work and failed to land properly because it's been years since I did any stage combat training), I went shopping with Chris for hiking boots.  I found a pair at Adventure Outfitters that fit really well, and he got some at EMS that are very nice as well.  We stopped at my place and decided to make a pie.  After loading up cookbooks and a pie plate, we walked down the road to his place with Jaime tagging along with her bike.  Jaime left before we finished baking, but the pie turned out quite well.  A lovely stroll back to my apartment followed the baking extravaganza.
    After returning to my place, I prepared for Rocky rehearsal.  Pencil, notebook, willingness to get dirty, CHECK.  Katy (wonderful wench!) helped me sort costumes, crap, and all sorts of other stuff in the bags under the stage.  There's a massive plastic bag full of personal items, underwear, etc.  If I forget to e-mail the cast this week to tell them that once we're in the attic, this stuff is getting tossed/donated to Salvy so they should look through it soon, could one of you nice Rocky folks beat me up?
    I slept for... 3 hours after rehearsal, and joined Chris, Jaime, and Greg for a nice Saturday morning breakfast.  I ran off to a rehearsal for the Shakespeare Festival (more to come on this, I'm sure), where I got half of my cast's contact/time availability info.  Oh, SMing.  The rehearsal was supposed to go until 5, so I had put my 31pm in swap.  Saturday morning nobody had taken it, but Dave said he'd try to sell it.  During the early part of the rehearsal, I got a phone call from the transit number--he and Emily had managed to sell it.  Best transit kids ever, and I swear I'll take more opens once I'm through the thick of this semester.  Of course, once my shift was open, the rehearsal ended at 3, so I got to go home and nap.  This was good as I'd have fallen asleep driving the bus otherwise.
    Rocky went really well (from what I hear), and Tiffany is awesome on costumes because unlike me, she doesn't get antsy just hanging out backstage.  She's good with the actors (available, friendly, but not in their faces), quick to collect costumes and put them away, and knows how to physically do changes.  She's also a fabulous person in general.
    Today I went for a "hike" up Mt. Sugarloaf.  We basically left from Chris's house, walked across the bridge, walked up the road on the mountain most of the way, then the trail a bit, then had a long picnic/look out at the view, followed by hiking down the trail (and finding ourselves on the wrong side of the mountain) and heading back.  It wasn't too long or difficult (save the uphill part where I was out of breath, being out of shape and all), and my body is happy now.

Yay for accomplishment!

May have found third roommate, depends on how she feels once she gets the grand tour, and once everyone meets everyone.  Yar.  Go team Yellow House.

My back hurts, I may have a quiz in my 9:30am class tomorrow, I definitely have one in my 1:00pm class tomorrow, I've also got to work on a scene after that class, then a production meeting for the Shakespeare festival, not to mention organizing a panel for Raised in Captivity (good lord, have I been slacking there)... I also need to organize all the Rocky costumes (yay!) and start learning other tech stuff.  Haha, I sold my soul for what again?

I've been mopey about wanting romance lately.  Not necessarily a long-term relationship, but dates and romance and the like.  Friends are fun and all, but I really want someone who'll take me out, walk me to the door, and kiss my cheek goodbye, and actually call me and ask if I'd like to go out again at some point.

So what happened?

Melissa bought me a beautiful rose.  I almost fell out of my chair.

I spent 10.75 hours doing little aside from thinking yesterday.  And I've come to realize that I just don't know what to think.  I know it's not good to get angry, but it's the easiest place to be.  The problem is that by not turning that anger into violence against others, it is turned against myself threefold.  It's a no-win situation, I think.

I think I'll just blame it on the weather having been so nice, only to turn to crap.  Hurry up, summer.